


MAdame Valentine

by princesszavi1



Series: Thorki one shots [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Comedy, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Good Jotuns, Good Loki (Marvel), Hijinks & Shenanigans, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Tony Stark & Thor Friendship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, silly fic, thor and tony rivalry funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-23 03:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23004772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesszavi1/pseuds/princesszavi1
Summary: Loki, betrothed of Thor alien ambassador of Midgard is coming to visit. What lengths will Thor go to make him feel welcome.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Natasha Romanov, Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Series: Thorki one shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1389691
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85
Collections: Arranged Thorki Marriage





	MAdame Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> Madame Valentine was a famous french plam reader from world war 1.

“ Breaking news, breaking news Madame Valentine Dencausse envisions marriage of Black widow and Bruce Banner. Come get the full scoop from Teen Vogue exclusively.” cried a paper boy on the streets of New york.

“ WHAT??”  
“ They still sell paper? Holy three dimensional magazine.”  
“ Language Tony.” shouted three avengers on their morning coffee run, while the Asgardian hailed the paper boy paying for a copy of Teen Vogue looking thoughtfully at the green clad women, face obscured in mysterious shadows on the cover.

“ Well, open it. What are you looking at?” prompted Bruce hovering by Thunder god's left.  
“ In a moment, son of Banner.” replied Thor.  
“ So She is your type, Huh. Nice. I thought you were into big breasts, that explains why you were never into your groupies.” said Tony Stark thoughtfully which earned him two slaps on head and a scowl from Steve Rogers aka Captain America and Bruce Banner.  
“ Let us concentrate on the matters at hands before anything else.” said Steve Rogers pointedly before taking the rag from Thor and opening to the right page.  
“ Hey, is that us in Ukraine. Wow! Are they kISSING. No they are Hugging. Yeah. You dog, Brucie. No fair you didn't tell your science buddy. I am hurt buddy. IS that Clint with cupid's bow? Why is he naked. GROSSSSS. My EYESSS, I can't unsee that. HEELLPP.” Wailed Iron man slamming the magazine shut and throwing it a feet away for better measure.

“ Hey, I was reading.” cried the Captain while Bruce blushed furiously. Thor remained confused at all the fuss the man of iron raised over a few pictures.

“ Natasha is going to kill us if she finds out.” cried Bruce looking frantic and a little green at the edges.

“ Us. You mean you. Mr Love bear.” teased Tony Stark done with his drama.  
“ No, I mean us when we tell her maybe you Tony because the photos look like they have been taken from above like from the iron man suit.” said Bruce folding his hands and staring accusingly at Tony while Steve Rogers mirrored him.

“ Hey, don't even joke. I swear I would never do such a thing. Honest, I promise on Jarvis and all the suits. I will never mess with Natasha. I will shoot myself before even thinking of such a thing. Believe me, I will never rat anyone to those hounding rabid dogs they call themselves press.” swore Tony a little hysterically.  
“ Even more did they not write it was Madame Valentine Dencausse again who predicted this new development.”

“ Tony, Please don't tell me you believe in fortune tellers and psychics.” spoke Steve Rogers exasperated.

“ I will believe in anything as long as it saves me from black widow. How can you be so incredulous when a living breathing viking god stands beside you.” cried Tony pointing at said blonde god.

“ Enough, friends. Let us be on our way. we will face what the norns threw in our path when the time comes. Let us take leave of this place and return to the tower.” said the blonde viking thinking quiet logically for once. Still he felt that he was missing some crucial link.

The three avengers and alien ambassador cum advisor made their way to the Stark tower without coffee where they are met with similar expressions. It was what 12th time this Madame Valentine predicted their moves or who defeats how many villains or who will be spotted where and with whom and frankly they are tired of sweeping their place for bugs and looking over their shoulder every time they are outside.

What they cannot understand is that their search physical, digital or other wise for Madame Valentine always ends in smoke and frustration chasing dead ends. It felt like the woman vanished completely off the face of earth every time shield or avengers try to find her. So far all they know is that she has midnight black hair and propensity to anything green and likes dropping her predictions off in various gossip tabloids who pay huge sum for anything remotely Avenger related. At first the predictions were small relating to their favourite food or movies things that can be gleaned from their various mandatory interviews to promote good will among the new yorkers and Avengers but then things escalated when the first prediction of Dr Dooms attack on Mt Rushmore came true followed by Amora's attack in Napa Valley. To find another Asgardian, miffed Ex of the thunder god caused a lot of throwing magic around and explaining. But waking up one day and reading that they will be spend the next week in dog's body was just asking for avengers on your trail. And spend they did as a dog when they were caught in a fight between Lorelei and Amora, two magic wielding exes of that same Thunder god aka viking alien ambassador Thor the mighty god. Another time she exposed Iron man not so legal cigars collection pissing Tony and causing a PR nightmare.

“ Oh good. Everyone's here. Now who want to explain today's latest fuck up. Not now Stark or I swear on Howard I will end you.” barked Nick Fury, the commander and school master glaring at everyone.

“ Miss Romanoff.”

“ Sir.” Said the widow and hawk eye in unison assuming the standard spy pose 15, silently communicating in their oh so secret looks and hand signs.  
“ Well I expect a full written report on my desk by 18:00. Miss Romanoff. And gentlemen I expect you all to try and find this Madame Valentine.” said Fury turning and walking away.  
“ That's it. What was all that staring and shit. Did they teach that in spy school. Some heads up would be nice.” shouted Tony while Thor made to follow the director.

“ Director, a moment.” asked Thor when he caught up with Nick Fury stopping the director by blocking his path.  
“ What? I have no time for your princely complaints. I have a ship to run and mad woman to catch. ” barked Nick fed up with the team's childish tantrums and world government's idiocy.  
“ It was one time and Stark started it. I wish to speak to you on a slightly different matter. I think I may have a solution to offer on the Madame problem too. If only you will spare me a few moments.” said Thor calmly despite Fury's glower.  
“ Yes, I am listening.” said Fury and speak Thor did. At the end both the director and thunder god walked away with a smiles.

“ Friend Tony, can you direct me to the market where I can acquire a few construction materials?” said Thor holding a sizeable sack.  
“ Hey big guy. What's in the sack?” questioned Tony coming over.  
“ I wish to trade this gemstone for a sizeable plot of land and construction materials.” said Thor pulling out a blood red diamond the size of foot ball.  
“ Whoa, Is that for real. Jarvis is that what I think it is. Call pepper.” shouted Tony crowding the blonde to get a closer look.  
“ Diamond roughly 7000gms with exceptional clarity, cut and brilliant deep red color. 97% Carbon composition similar to earth with 3% unknown material. Further investigations required.” Jarvis readout his findings.

“ Thor buddy, Where did you find this? Can I have it. Jarvis call the press. Oh, DE Beers are going to have an heart attack. Bastards refused to service me. Thor, lets us talk numbers. We will have a good deal right buddy.” babbled Tony rubbing his hands with a gleam in his eyes.

“ Sir, you are turning into one of those crazed evil Disney characters right now. Mr Odinson I suggest you run before Sir starts cackling and offering you poison apples.” snarked Jarvis.  
“ Very funny Jarvis. Thor, never mind the dumb bot. Now, where were we. Yes the stone. Why trade it ? Plot and construction ? Thinking of planting your flag here on good old Middle earth? I will match your price, try me ?”  
“ What is this flag you are speaking of, son of Stark. I require a spacious villa someplace cold preferably in the delicious maple country. Not to freezing cold but just enough to get frost bite if slept naked.”

“ What abandoning us for those goody Canadians. Traitor.Are your quarters not princely enough. Why in the gods name do you want frost bite?” cried Tony. All this commotion brought the fellow avengers to the common room where they saw Tony shouting at Thor somewhat madly.

“ What's going on ? Are you holding one of those stupid who got more money or big dick contests ? Tony I made it clear last time what will happen if you try something so ridiculous again.” warned Natasha coming to stand in between them.

“ Lady Natasha, we all know that I am bigger. Such depraved discussion is far below you my lady.” said the blonde with a pitying sigh.  
“ Hey, take that back. Take that back right now or I will blast you off my tower.” shouted Tony lunging for Thor but Steve held him. He flailed comically before settling down glaring and muttering profanities.

“ Let's get seated then we will discuss like adults ( cue dirty look Tony)” said Steve leading them to the enormous sofas. When they sat down somewhat reluctantly the captain took charge of situation saying,

“ Thor, can you explain what's going?”  
“ Friend Steve, I went to friend Stark to ask his help in buying a decent mansion somewhere cold when friend Tony lost his marbles and began babbling hysterically.”

“ He wanted to move to CANADA.” shouted Tony.  
“Tony we are all sitting right here. Thor, why do want to move to Canada?” said Steve.  
“ We are not moving permanently but for convenience.” said Thor.  
“ We.” asked Bruce.  
“ Yes. Me and my fiance.”  
“ What? WHAt? When did you get engaged ? Who is it? Why was I not invited? ” shouted the Avengers talking over one other.  
“ we are bonded since Loki was but a wee baby barely able to talk.” said Thor with a secret smile.  
“ So an Asgardian?” asked Bruce.  
“ No, first born, future ruler of Jotunheim the realm of frost giants and my betrothed. The Jotuns have this custom of staying in their own places when they travel off realm. Hence I wish to purchase a fort or mansion in the mountains to make the stay comfortable. Fury gave us his blessing.” explained Thor.

“ Ok. Fine that can be arranged. Tony why are you kicking up a racket.” said the captain looking at him like a parent looking at a naughty child.

Tony resisted the urge to apologize cursing the captain, “ Look inside the sack.” Thor removed the diamond from the sack and placed it on the coffee table and everyone stopped talking.

“ Tony, is that.. Holy.” cried Bruce removing his glasses and wiping at the imaginary dust to see clearly.  
“ Yes, It is. Brucie bear. I hit the jack pot.” laughed Tony.  
“ Thor, you know that you can buy an island with that?” said Natasha.  
“ A spacious villa with full furnishings will suffice, lady Natasha.” replied Thor.  
“ You have a deal Thor. Stark industries will leave no stone un turned making sure your needs are met. In fact I will personally draw the plans and make sure everything is top notch.” said Tony taking Thor's hand and shaking it.

“ Jarvis get the lab ready. Pepper will be blown away by her otherworldly engagement ring.”

“ Tony, You can't do that.” said the ever honest Captain.

“ Spoilsport. He is fine with it. Right Thor?”

“ Yes friend Steve. I have many more where this came from and I think It's a cheap price to pay for my beloved happiness. Shall we Friend Stark. Loki can be very demanding when it comes to his living arrangements and I wish only the best.” said Thor handing the sack to Tony and recalling the exact specifications of various things needed.

“ That's one lucky girl.” muttered Bruce Banner watching the two exit the rooms.  
“ I can't believe Thor's engaged.” said Steve.  
“ Did you see how happy Thor was. Lets make sure things go well for them. ” said Natasha.  
“ I can't wait to see her. She must be a real beauty to have Thor wrapped around her finger.” said Clint snickering.

Day 15 before arrival of Loki.

“ No No No, Loki prefers four poster bed with thick curtains to block out the sun light. Loki has sensitive skin and gets sunburn easily.” shouted Thor in Tony's face.

“ Its winter right now so in Canada it will be freezing. There is no sun to get sun burn.” shouted back Tony.

“ The contract states you will do as directed, man of iron.” replied Thor.

“ Fine. Jarvis, add four poster bed with extra thick curtains. Happy.”

Day 14

“ Loki spends a lot of time in the workshop practicing spells and perfecting them. A good, soft, fluffy settee in hues of emerald and blue will do.”

Day 13

“ Loki likes pudding in bed. So a freezer in night stand.” said Thor eating Pad thai with rest of the avengers.

“ jarvis make a note.” replied Tony swallowing a egg roll.

Day 10

“ Man of iron, I just remembered Loki likes waterfall style bathing pools after a long day at work.” shouted Thor bashing several doom bots while iron man flew above.  
“ Not the right time Thor.” said Steve over the comms.  
“ Jesus, I am not your personal interior decorator, Thor.” cried Tony firing lasers at a octo bot.

Day 9

“ Man of Iron, Man of iron, are you here. Lady Natasha, have you seen Stark.” asked Thor pausing his search.

“ Did you check the lab.”

“ I checked his lab, personal quarters even the bar to no avail.” sighed the blonde bending to look under the sofa.

Day 5

“ Stark, Loki likes night strolls. A Japanese style garden around the mansion will be highly appreciated.”  
“ GGEETTT OUTT OF MY SHOWER, YOU BLONDE IDIOT.” bellowed Tony throwing his loofah at Thor.  
“ My apologizes, I will give small privacy.” said Thor snickering.  
“ Their is nothing small here.” cried Tony throwing his shampoo in the blonde's direction.

Day 3

“ Hey, that's my spot. What are you doing here Tony?” said Hawk eye watching Iron man trying to fit into the ventilator shaft.  
“ Shush, he will here you. Stop staring and give me a hand.” whispered Tony.

“ Man of Iron, Man of Iron.”  
“ Crap. Quick birdbrain help. I will make you new Bow.” hissed Tony scrambling into the shaft.

“ Lady pepper, I tell you Loki is the best seidr wielder the nine have ever seen. This cat and mouse game we seem to be playing with Lady Valentine will be solved in a minute if Loki is to aid us.” said the thunder god escorting lady pepper to her floor.  
“ Will you remind Stark that the mansion needs library and books of all genre especially teen romance. Loki loves them secretly but will never admit.” chuckled Thor with a dopey smile.

“ Sure, Thor I will hand pick the books and make Tony deliver them.” giggled Pepper.

Day1

“ Madame Valentine, stop right there and cease this mischief at once or you will face Mjolnir. Loki is due any minute and Lord Stark has not completed the bronze statue of my beloved and me. He has no time chasing you.” cried Thor.

“ No way I am making a porno level statue of you and your lover. Get over it Thor. Not happening.” cried Tony firing mini rockrts.

“ The contract states that you are bound by law in my service till you finish the statue. Man of iron” shouted Thor summoning Thunder and rain.

“ Statue!” a strange low pitch voice asked surprising the avengers into inaction.

“ Yes, Statue of my beloved and me entwined in dwelling of love.” replied Thor unperturbed.  
“ Loki and you.” asked the madame coming to a halt while the rest of Avengers looked on curiously.  
“ Madame you must be a psychic to envision me and my beloved even before the statue is done.” shouted Thor beaming.

What the Madame and Thor did not notice during their conversation was the black widow creeping up the fire exit and aiming at the madame. The Madame squeaked falling to ground when she was hit by a iron net and cloud of smoke at the sudden attack.

The rest of avengers wasted a few seconds before they jumped into action cuffing the madame.

“ well, well, look who we have here. Now be still madame. Let me repay you for spreading rumors of hawkeye flu.” said Clint drawing a pointy arrow.  
“ Don't forget when she called people to cover my tower with erect phallus pictures.” said a tinny voice.

“ Or the time she convinced people that Steve must have Asian virgin sacrifice or else he will go back to ice.”

“ or when she predicted Tony going bald by summer.” snickered Clint.

“ HULK NO SMASH, PRETTY MAN.” roared hulk sitting by Madame and freeing her from the net.

“ No, hulk. Madame bad. Hulk smash bad lady.” said Tony.  
“ NOOO , HULK LIKES PRETTY MAN.” shouted Hulk freeing the Madame and pulling the Madame cloak stopping the avengers.

“ What. Did the madame escape.”  
“ A man.” cried the avengers looking around for the lady while Hulk hugged the man and cooing at him.  
“ Loki, what are you doing here?”  
“ Did the Madame do you any harm?” cried Thor trying to reach the man in Hulk's embrace.  
“ Hello, Thor.” replied the man before turning to Hulk and whispering a few words making the Hulk release him. He stepped towards Thor hugging him confusing the avengers.

“ Wait. That is Loki. I thought Loki was a girl. Seriously.” cried clint and Tony while Natasha hid a smile and Steve looked scandalized.

“ I thought you were in Jotunheim all this time. What are you doing here?” asked Thor folding his hands with a stern expression.  
“ See.” said Loki sheepishly rubbing his neck and widening his eyes.  
“ Yes.”  
“ I was planning to visit you but All mother cut my pocket money and said I should make do with mediocre living quarters when visiting earth. Something about commissioning sapphire chamber pots and such nonsense. So I thought I use my skills into acquiring my needs. I made a lot of coin as a seer. The Midgardians are easily pleased with a little smoke and mystery.” he said sweetly with a peck on his beloved cheek and a smile.

“ Wait, so you are the Madame Valentine.” interrupted Clint.

“ yes, also the editor of Teen spirit and groove teen and director of the new avengers movie, hulk meets his widow.” said Loki smiling at the team.

“ A movie. We never heard of a new movie.” said Steve.

“ It's a secret project shot in jungles of Peru with Margot Robbie and Matt Damon in the lead.” said Loki turning back to Thor and saying.  
“ Thor, I am tired. Show me our new quarters. I want to spend all day in bed.”  
“ Yes, my love.” the two vanished along with Iron man.  
“ Iron man, statue by sun rise or I will cruse you impotent.” ordered Loki dragging Thor into their sleeping chambers undoing their clothes.  
The iron man tried flying only to fing himself dragged back to same spot Loki has left him. He cursed a few expletives which only increased hearing Thor moan.


End file.
